Hear me on the Sunday Night Health Show on Sunday February 16
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. But after some inspiration and some motivation, and some great advice and time, I’m going to blog regularly. I’d like to be a resource for you folks in the Sea to Sky Corridor around the topic of Sexuality. I started my journey to becoming a Certified Sexual Health Educator back in November 2017, and since that time, I’ve taught in several communities and schools in the corridor and now feel like I’ve gotten to know this community a bit better and feel like I can be a valuable resource. I’ve got many stories to share, but if you have any particular topics you’d like me to touch on, feel free to email me at mary@sacredlearningspace.ca.
Today I embarked on a milestone that I’ve been dreaming about since I first heard Sue Johanson on the Sunday Night Sex Show (now called the Sunday Night Health Show)! I was a guest speaker on the Sunday Night Health Show, now hosted by the ever-so-calming, hilarious, and wonderfully honest Maureen McGrath, RN, NCA. Maureen is a Registered Nurse, a Nurse Continence Advisor, and a sexual health educator. Perhaps since we both come from the same school of thought I felt more comfortable than I had anticipated in sharing my story with her, off and on the radio. You can listen to the Sunday Night Health Show every Sunday from 8pm to 10pm on 980 CKNW in Vancouver. I am her guest this Sunday February 16.
As I prepared for this meeting I thought about why I became a sexual health educator in the first place and the work I want to continue to do moving forward. My main reason for becoming a sexual health educator is to empower young people, as young as 3 years old, all the way through high school, to feel great about their bodies and feel confident around their own boundaries and those of others. And to empower parents to start having discussions around sexuality early, and to consider sorting out their own feelings around sexuality. We all have stories around sexuality, whether it’s related to our identity, our perceptions of our body, our self-esteem. We have puberty stories. Genital stories. Losing virginity stories. Never having sex stories. Sex stories in general. Stories of sexual abuse. Stories of sexual assault. Stories of pleasure. These are our stories. They all affect how we communicate sexuality to our kids. However, when we look at our stories around sexuality and are mindful of our biases, emotions, thoughts, we can be an approachable person to our kids around the topic of sexuality. We certainly don’t have to be experts (that’s my job😊), but we can be vulnerable to the situation and share knowledge that is useful and meaningful to our kids.
Pre-child I felt quite comfortable that I could be a resource to my kid around sexuality (this is pre-sexual health educator course certification). I’m a nurse, I deal with difficult situations all the time. I put catheters in people’s urethras. I provide bed baths. I’m a feminist. Then I had my son and realized that I wasn’t comfortable saying the word penis. I realized the moment I had to start cleaning his genitals I had better get used to saying the word penis. So every day I would say penis every single time that I cleaned his genitals (which was about 10 diaper changes a day). After about 10 days I finally became comfortable with the word penis. I became comfortable with the phallic symbol and all it’s meanings … a symbol of strength and power, a symbol of power over people. I delved into the topic of penis and all its meanings. I delved into the topic of white privilege and I started to think about the kind of person I wanted to raise. My kid is now 3. He knows the name of all his parts, he knows his boundaries and he is not afraid to say no. He knows what unwanted touch is all about. He asks for cuddles and tickles and tells me when he’s had enough; he also tells me when he doesn’t want to be touched at all. He does this so easily with me. I see other folks touching him in ways that I know don’t feel super great. We talk about it and I remind him to tell others when unwanted touch is uncomfortable. Some adults listen and some don’t. There is a lot of work to do.
It takes a community to build a safe environment for our kids. I hope you will join me in creating a community that is a safer place for our kids. No kid should have to deal with unwanted touch, no matter how insignificant it is perceived. All kids should feel free to be who they were meant to be.